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《繼母與女兒的藍調》與生命的奇蹟 "Stepmom and Daughter Blues" and the miracle of life

已更新:2月22日

新年頭,終於能夠看完最後一章節的《繼母與女兒的藍調》由第一輯劇集到每隔幾年就出現的新春特別篇。這十年間看著這個故事中的女主角亞希子與她獨力撫養的養女美雪的成長轉變,確實令人既好笑又感動,每次看完都令我眼濕濕呢! 這種沒有血緣的關係有時比有血緣的更來得真摯、難能可貴。或許自己也曾經有一段長時間失去父母,更容易明白孩子如何渴望得到父母的愛,多希望成長過程中能夠有他們的陪伴,有他們在身邊教導我、指引我如何面對生活中不同的挑戰與困難,可以與他們分享心中的不安和喜樂。這些想法都在我兒時至青少年階段在腦海中不斷浮現,多渴望獲得這種家庭的溫暖。 但是在事實下,特別是當時沒有家的我,反過來是多麼無助和缺乏安全感,也感覺到自己與同年紀的朋友有多大的距離,令我難以與他們再有話題,正當朋友們快樂、火熱地渡過他們的高中、大學生活時,自己卻只能活在劏房中獨自為著生存而不斷掙扎,為著兩餐而努力活下去! 這時的我聽到追夢想、說理想時,對我來說是多麼的奢侈、多麼的困難,更感覺到十分孤單無助,這種自卑感不斷在環境中徘徊,也無人能夠明白自己活在一個尤如地獄一樣的情況。還記得當時的我,也時常會因著長期缺乏家庭溫暖而失去方向和動力,變得像行屍走肉一樣,只為著金錢、只為著成功而不斷在職場上麻木打拼。就算當時只有二十多歲的我,已經能夠靠自己的專業能力做到自己理想的職業,達到理想的職位,得到不愁金錢的生活,但是內裏總是感覺空虛,並不快樂! 曾經有一段時間我接受不了這樣的自己,毅然放棄當前一切工作,回到學校讀截然不同的"社會工作專業",因當時的我只想簡簡單單地做回一個真實有感情、懂流淚的人而已。 (*我曾有段很長的時間,連淚也流不出來,就像一部已死的機器似的!) 以上一段真實的小故事只想帶出一個信息,當孩子的童年至青少年時期失去家庭的愛和溫暖,對他日後的成長和心智發展可以做成多大的影響,這些傷口是不容易癒合的,痛楚更會長存在孩子的內心當中。如果沒有適當的處理,這些不愉快的經歷很大機會會成為他的陰影,而這負面情緒甚至會變成扭曲的人格,產生出異常的行為,對他可造成無法挽回的局面。

我很感恩上帝的安排,在我成長中能夠遇上很多位重要的生命師傅,他們教曉我接納自己和家人的不完美,學會怎樣讓悲傷化作動力,教我勇於去學習成為傷心人的朋友,以自身經歷成為別人的祝福。令我明白了人與人之間就算沒有血緣關係,只要你願意捨己去愛他、重視他、待他如己與他同行、明白他的需要,他終會漸漸感受到你的愛被打動,願意嘗試打開心窗,令內裏這個充滿保護、防衛的心再次燃點溫暖。 讓自己再次相信世上仍有人願意冇條件的關心他、守護他,重拾這份很久沒有的安全感,不再感到自卑和孤單。


回想從事專業教育及基層青年培育工作已有十六個年頭,無悔放下本業去走這條艱辛又不被討好的路。我不敢說自己是別人的師傅,只感覺到自己就像一個似爸爸或是似哥哥的同行者,多了很多我很想珍惜與他們相處的孩子,多明白他們的生命故事。有的已與他同行十載,在行業中略有所成。有的更已成為孩子的爸爸媽媽了。有的仍在我身旁面對生活及工作的困難。每逢節日能夠與幾位很珍重的孩子一起飲茶吃年飯,看到他們的笑容是多麼的滿足。只要彼此有愛,就算沒有血緣關係,一樣可以打破界限,並且要擁抱正面和樂觀的心渡過生活的每一天,相信失去的家庭也可重建過來。 鄧日昇 記錄於2024年2月3日

 

At the beginning of the new year, I finally finished watching "Stepmom and Daughter Blues", from the first series to the new spring special episodes that appear every few years. Over the past decade, witnessing the growth and changes of the female protagonist, Akiko, and her stepdaughter, Miyuki, whom she raised single-handedly, was indeed both amusing and touching. Every time I watched it, it brought tears to my eyes! Such non-blood relationships often feel more genuine than blood ties. Perhaps because I've experienced a long period without parents, I understand how children long for parental love. I wished so much to have their company during my growing years, to teach and guide me through life's different challenges and difficulties, and to share my anxieties and joys with them. These thoughts kept recurring in my mind from childhood to adolescence, longing for the warmth of such a family. However, in reality, especially when I had no home, I felt so helpless and insecure. I also felt a great distance between myself and my peers of the same age, making it difficult to find common topics with them. While my friends were enjoying their high school and college lives with happiness and passion, I could only struggle to survive alone in cramped quarters, striving to make it through the day for two meals! At that time, hearing about chasing dreams and discussing ideals felt luxurious and challenging. I felt incredibly lonely and helpless, with a constant sense of inferiority lingering in my environment, and nobody could understand that I was living in a situation akin to hell. I often lost direction and motivation due to the prolonged lack of familial warmth. I became like a zombie, numbly grinding away in the workplace only for money, only for success. Even though I was in my early twenties, I could already achieve my ideal profession and reach the desired position through my professional abilities, living a life free from financial worries. Still, deep inside, I always felt empty and unhappy! There was a time when I couldn't accept myself like this, so I decisively gave up everything and returned to school to study a completely different subject, "The program of social work.". Because at that time, I just wanted to be a simple person who could feel emotions and shed tears. (*There was a long period when I didn't even know how to cry, like a dead machine!)

The preceding story aims to convey a message: the impact of losing love and warmth from a family during childhood to adolescence can profoundly affect a child's future growth and psychological development. These wounds are not quickly healed, and the pain may linger deep within the child's heart. Without proper handling, these unpleasant experiences have a significant chance of becoming shadows, and these negative emotions may even manifest into distorted personalities, leading to abnormal behaviors that could result in irreparable consequences for the child.I am deeply grateful for the divine arrangements that led me to encounter many significant mentors throughout my growth. They taught me to embrace imperfections within myself and my family and showed me how to turn sadness into motivation. They taught me to courageously become a friend to those who are hurting, using my own experiences to bless others. They helped me understand that even without blood ties, as long as you are willing to love, value, support, and walk alongside someone, understanding their needs, they will gradually feel the warmth of your love and be willing to open their hearts again, allowing that protective and defensive barrier to ignite with warmth once more. They made me believe again that there are people in this world willing to care for and protect others unconditionally, restoring a sense of security long forgotten and freeing me from feelings of inferiority and loneliness. Looking back on my sixteen years of professional education and grassroots youth development work, I have no regrets about leaving my original profession to embark on this challenging and often unappreciated path. I dare not call myself a mentor to others, but I feel like a companion, akin to a father or an older brother. I cherish the time spent with many young people and understand their life stories deeply. Some have been walking alongside me for a decade, making progress in their careers. Some have become parents themselves. Others still face difficulties in life and work by my side. Every holiday, being able to share tea and meals with these cherished individuals brings me immense satisfaction. Seeing their smiles fills me with joy. As long as there is love between us, even without blood ties, we can break through boundaries. We must embrace positivity and optimism to navigate each day, believing that lost families can be rebuilt. Tang Yat Shing, Sunny

February 3, 2024


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